Indian Bucket Challenge On Pakistan

Pakistani terrorist Hafiz Saeed is angry that India nominated Pakistan for Bucket challenge without prior warning and causing floods in Pakistan. He blames Modi for breaking his vow of not to take a bath until he takes his head out of his ass!

According to Hafiz Saeed India is waging war with Pakistan by bribing Indra, the god of thunder and causing cloud burst over Pakistan Occupied Kashmir.

When asked about the thousands of casualties happened in Jammu & Kashmir making it a national level disaster for India. Hafeez commented that its a PR stunt of India. In reality no such disaster has took place.

Our correspondents when tried to show him the news footage of this calamity and how our armed forces are risking their lives to save as many people as possible. Hafeez Saeed quite eloquently called our correspondent ignorant pricks and blamed us for being insensitive to his situation.

When probed further we learned that Hafeez Saeed was trying to preach his fellow terrorist that "head up your ass" is just an idiom and not a real thing. When terrorists failed to get his message he tried to prove that no man can push his head up his own ass, but unfortunately one of his student lubricated his thick head with camel piss while he was asleep the previous night and hence Hafeez got his head stuck up his own ass.

According to our latest updates ISI has vowed to get Hafeez Saeed's head out of his own ass and are trying to contact ISIS Chief Goat-Fukr-Al-Behnchaudi, for he had been allegedly stuck in similar situation in the past.

We urge all the god  believers to pray for Hafeez Saeed, may he soon recovers his head from his ass.

Reference:

http://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/india-responsible-for-pakistan-floods-hafeez-saeed/article1-1261715.aspx

Books: Men's Best Friend. They neither bark nor bite.

I mean when you are kid, novice, curious and horny to experience the world but with no means to do so. What should you do?

Read books. At least that's how it started with me.

Books. Man’s best friend. They always give answers without asking bullshit questions. Not at all boring like people! 

Anyhow, here's my list of ten favorite books, for Indi Blogger IndiSpire section, along with the reason to support it.

    1. Mahabharata by Vyasa -  Not as a religious gobbledygook but as a masterpiece of literature. It has 10,000 characters, each with their back story, conflicts and resolves. The conflicts of thousands of years old civilization still ring true today. 

    2. Ramayana by Valmiki - Goes without saying, don’t treat it as some religious book or as a sermon to glorify god. I say screw god, I mean not literally but just put Him aside and read it as literature. The arch of characters and wide expansion of story. The ethics. The adventure. The dilemma. The devotion. They don’t write such stories anymore.

    3.  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho  -  Most people think it’s about hero’s journey to learn the art of transforming shitty metal into gold. But I think it beautifully tells how we can transform our perishable human body into something shiny and valuable as Gold by our will power and deeds through our brief stay on this beautiful blue planet.

   4.  Duma Key by Stephen King  -   I was sitting alone on top floor corridor at night facing backwards to stairs because I wanted to avoid the noisy room-mates and enjoy  this novel. Stephen King hypnotized me into his world in such a way that I was scared to be alone and felt as if someone was coming up the stairs to get me. I know I sound like a pussy. But anyhow, I changed my position so I can keep my eyes on the stairs. It’s a delight to read.

   5.  Moby Dick by Herman Melville - If you want to feel the sense of adventure of whale hunting without facing the rough sea. Just pick this book. But as you read, you realise, it’s not just about hunting white whale but about life, and how you should always keep an eye on your ultimate goal without losing sense of reality around you.

   6.  How To Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie – This is a must for everyone who decides to live and grow among humans. If you want to go live as ascetic in caves of Himalayas then don’t read it. Otherwise, it’s the best book to learn about human behavior and how we should improve our conduct to rise up through social hierarchy while enjoying what we do.

   7.  Catch 22 by Joseph Heller - I re-evaluated my scale of what should be regarded as “funny, satirical and mind blowing confusion of comedy” after reading this book.  If you want to relieve your stress, enjoy a good laugh and meet an ensemble of totally crazy characters then read this book. Yossarian - the lead character wants to live forever or die in the attempt. Must read for fans of satirical comedy.

   8.  Walt Disney: The Biography by Neal Gabler – No kid has grown up without getting affected by the magic of Disney cartoons. The showman Walt Disney, his passion for cartoons, for life, for work, his perseverance through his struggles is so contagious that it will charge you up to do better in life, in whichever field you are or want to be in. Just have a go at it.

  9.  Charlie and the chocolate factory by Roald Dahl – Even a primary kid with Basic English language skills could read it. Such is the simplicity and brilliance of this great writer to tell an extra ordinary tale of a poor kid Charlie who just loved chocolates but couldn't afford one. It will for sure bring you back to your childhood and the good old days.

 10.  11/22/63 by Stephen King – This fabulous novel has got time travel, love story and the world’s best conspiracy till date – The assassination of John F Kennedy. From page one you are in the hands of a master story teller who will send you back and forth in time without making you sick or distorted.

I must confess that I am an avid fan of Stephen King hence I had to mention him twice. But since the list is limited to ten books, I am not doing justice to many other brilliant books I have read or about to read.  I am a fanatic of conspiracy thriller so I must mention the name “Dan Brown”. Read any of his books from Digital Fortress to Inferno. You will be swept away. 

Don't Worry, It's Just Another Rape Story

God made heaven and earth. Then he made humans so by default he had to create hell. After everything was done. He sat down and wrote laws for humans to follow, and you would be surprised about the detailing. He wrote laws with such microscopic specificity that recently in Muzaffarnagar (U.P.), a woman was raped by her father in law at gun point and got her pregnant.

While human authority was still jerking off, a religious leader talked to THE MAN* upstairs on hotline and gave God's stellar judgement.

"The baby in her womb is her husband's brother. Woman must treat her husband like her son.  Her husband must divorce her, even if his father looked at his wife with lust."

We must protest against the bigotry of media for calling it a rape!

Father in law just looked at his son's wife with lust.

He just looked!

For God's sake, stop doubting God.

Stop your logical brain. Have faith in the lord for he knoweth the best.

I don't understand why does people waste time and money in legal proceedings. Go to these religious leaders and receive divine judgement

From a wart on your crotch to your occasional involuntary fart in holy places, if you have problems, go to Them.

They have answers to all your worries.

Stop asking bullshit questions like why doesn't government fuck these unconstitutional courts.

Don't you know, they are sanctioned by God. So shut the fuck up!

After all Constitution of India was made by humans.

Ha! What do they know?

Dumb Homo sapiens.

(* - I referred to god as THE MAN, based on this judgement, for no women would deliver such judgement. It's not a sexist thing.)

Ref:
http://www.indiatvnews.com/news/india/rape-father-in-law-muslim-clerics-sexual-assault-sharia-law-41414.html

Al-Qaida Promises Job Opportunities In India

After Indian Prime Minister's invitation to the world to come and make in India, Al-Qaida chief, Asshole-al-Zawahri has announced to open an Indian wing of Al-Qaida.

The said move by Al-Qaida supremo is a desperate cry for expansion after losing their faithful terrorists to its rival cunty terrorist organisation ISIS in Middle East.

The competition between ISIS chief, Goat-fukr-al-Behnchaudi and Al-Qaida chief Asshole-al-Zawahri would create lot of job opportunities in India.

Angered by Al-Qaida's move to open an Indian wing, Indian Rapist Women Beater & Murderer Association (BAWRI {with silent 'M'}) has decided to give Al-Qaida and ISIS strong competition by allotting free memberships to child molesters.

BAWRI declared their first memorandum in today's press brief, unveiling their plan to rape and murder more innocent women and children than the sum total of ISIS & Al-Qaida combined.

BAWRI spoke person apologized to Indian public for not coming up with catchy names like ISIS and Al-Qaida but have assured us that their PR team is working twenty four seven to come up with more catchy title than BAWRI.

Registration forms for membership of BAWRI, Indian Al-Qaida and ISIS would soon be available at first come first serve basis.

So keep an eye out and don't miss this opportunity.

The government sent a thank you note with toilet paper rolls and few hair trimmers to Asshole-al-Zawahri for creating job opportunities in India.

Being Patriotic... It's Such a Burden

So what I am a terrorist. I just kill innocent people.

Why such hoopla over these common men?

Who are they?

Do the really matter?

India has 1.25 billion people to become slaves of large socio-economic wheels and get crushed.

Is it only because of sensational news headlines?

It never makes it a news that 21,000 children died every day in 2013 on our planet.

Hunger. Poverty. That's so boring. It doesn't give us a patriotic hard on.

Some fucker with a gun killing few hundreds people. It's a new way, an entertaining way to kill people.

It makes us patriotic.

So wait for new headlines of rape or terror attack to make you feel patriotic.

Go on candle march. Sit for hunger strike.

When the issue at hand fizzles out, so should your patriotism.

Why carry this burden of being patriotic every moment of your life?

After all you have enough burden in your life. 

The Soul Bashing

Wow, Soul eh? A fancy word. I don’t know jack shit about what the soul is. But it sure as hell sounds good. Of what I know about its meaning has been derived from other people’s account and they must have read it or heard it from someone else. And so on and so forth it goes.

I was okay until people were throwing this SOUL word around to romanticize the language. Like telling someone that – I mean that from bottom of my heart. Factually it’s wrong because at the bottom of heart you would find blood, veins and other shit. You want to know, go pick up an encyclopedia on human anatomy.

Factually wrong. But sounds good.

This sounds good attitude has somehow corrupted our minds. I don’t know when exactly mankind shifted from using factually wrong but linguistically beautiful statements to blindly accepting them as the social norm to talk and behave in general.

Some would say. It’s nice to be nice. 

After all what are we without our social etiquette and eloquence -- bunch of brute animals with brain, but when you think of it, even with all the snobbish eloquence and etiquette, we are still the same, animals.

Socially engineered animals to be precise. Don’t believe me. Read biology.

Just like dog, cat, fish and the bacteria in our fecal matter we all are nothing but throbbing, pulsating, growing lump of organic mass. 

So why do we claim to be superior than any other species?

Oh, I know why… It’s because we rape… yeah, lot of that going on lately… Sounds cold and insensitive I know.

But among all the species on our planet I have yet to read about any animals committing rape… (Don’t Google right away to find out which other species commit rape. I was rather going for dramatic effect than citing facts)

So is that why we are superior?

Wait a minute I found another reason. We believe in god. Yeah. That invisible, invincible and pretty much incompetent fellow we pray to.

Many of you are offended and shouting.

BLASPHEMY. BLASPHEMY. BLASPHEMY.

Relax. I am just proving a point.

The other day I was discussing that none of the other species on the planet look up at sky and pray to imaginary beings for well fare of their kith and kin and yet they were doing just fine until we arrived, humans, supposedly God’s greatest creation.

But then again there were some dumb cunts who showed me pictures of certain gods on a potato, or a some numerals written in sky. I was literally frozen for a moment by their sheer stupidity.

And then I came across bunch of books about journey of souls. Why we choose to take birth? What the fuck soul do in between the bodies? Why we inhabit particular body?

Some say its karma. Some say it’s by choice. Some say it’s by divine plan.

I say who gives a shit!

Every year millions children die of hunger. Thousands of them get raped every day. So it means the all mighty, all powerful, all graceful divine god chose to distribute karma and under his watch let these kids and women get raped, murdered and die of hunger while he jerks off over them high up in the cloud?

But no, we are not supposed to ask questions. Who decided that?

Oh I know, certain touchy feely self proclaimed advocates of god almighty. To them I say --  get it up yours! And twice on Sunday.

I am sorry I got carried away.

But my point is this. Why worry about someone or something you are not sure about -- A higher power. A soul. A god. Whatever. Rather worry about what’s right in front of you.

There is not a single person on this planet who doesn't know about plight of women and children. About hunger. About Rape. Let’s sort this stuff out first then worry about god, after life and the judgement day.

Please stop this corruption of mind in the name of god and soul.  Do something worthwhile with your time.

I am not saying give up your beliefs. Go, pray, offer sermons. Do whatever that brings joy to your heart but don’t just get stuck there.

Before putting all our eggs in the basket of faith why don’t we try to learn some practical intelligence first and take it from there.

HOMAGE TO RICHARD “DICKIE” ATTENBOROUGH

The body of one of the giants of world cinema has perished but his spirit would live on forever through his films.

To say that Mr. Richard Attenborough was a spectacular actor and brilliant film maker would be stating the obvious.

People have written books about his great body of work so I wouldn’t even attempt to commit a felony by summarizing his immeasurable genius in few sentences.

But rather I would write about how he introduced me to a lawyer named Mohandas K Gandhi.

I was born in the hometown of Mahatma Gandhi. I studied in the city of Rajkot where once, little Mohandas studied. And I went to London where young Mohandas once went for further studies.

To be honest my impression of that little brown man in loin cloth and a bamboo stick wasn’t that great. I mean okay, he gave us Indians independence, but so what, we would have got it anyway, someday.

Then in my initial years in Glasgow I happened to stumble upon a DVD of GANDHI, a film by some fellow named Richard Attenborough.

I am ashamed to say but at that time neither was I inclined to know about Gandhi nor did I know who this Attenborough fellow was. I only picked it up because the film was nominated for 11 Academy Awards.

And then I watched the film to kill time on a lazy summer weekend but instead it killed my ignorance.

Could a film be made this good? Was it really a film or a documentary? And most important of all how could I have been so stupid not to have known, Mahatma Gandhi, the giant mankind had produced in past millennium.

Next thing I did was to buy the autobiography of Mahatma Gandhi and started watching everything and anything done by Mr. Richard Attenborough.

It took Mr. Richard Attenborough 20 years to complete the film because no one wanted to invest money in a film about an Indian guy in loincloth fighting British with non-violence, and that too directed by a British film-maker. But He never gave up. And like they say, rest is history.  

Thank you Mr. Richard Attenborough for living your life the way you did.